How to be gracious

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement - not even her parent's nasty divorce.

Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother! Jennifer asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied.

Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day."

A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another gorgeous dress for her mother. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."

Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear.....I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night BEFORE the wedding."

Wipeout - Food Fight

Aired on Tuesday, Sep 07, 2010

Transcript
00:00:00 The hang of it.
00:00:02 U're doing gr--i mean, you're terrible at it.
00:00:05 Keep talking.
00:00:07 ..
00:00:07 today 24 men and women will b tackle the biggest obstacle course ever assembled, and one of them will walk away $50,000 richer.
00:00:16 And the first step in the journey to the cash is the "wipeout" qualifier.
00:00:19 This week they begin by facing the hoop run.
00:00:20 Welcome to our 4-ring circus.
00:00:23 They will spar with the sucker punch wall.
00:00:24 " and it wouldn't be a qualifier without the big balls and the motivar.
00:00:30 They're moving, john, now with 100% more unfairness.
00:00:33 Then they'll shimmy on to our shake-a-lator.
00:00:35 Get over those velvet ropes or get bounced, my friend.
00:00:38 And finally there's the shape-shifter.
00:00:38 Circles, squares and triangles-- it's educational.
00:00:42 Of our 24 competitors, only the top 12 times will move past the qualifier and into the second round.
00:00:47 All right, let's get down to the action.
00:00:49 ♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo, ♪
00:00:52 hey, who's the fourth member of the lollipop guild?
00:00:53 That's eli gurian, and jill wagner's on the story.
00:00:57 What do you do, eli?
00:00:58 I study geology and seismology.
00:01:01 Oh, so you like-- you like dirt and rocks.
00:01:03 Mostly rocks.
00:01:03 This year we don't have the big balls.
00:01:06 We have four big rocks.
00:01:07 Are you serious?
00:01:08 Yep.
00:01:09 Dude, this is, like, the greatest thing I've ever seen ever.
00:01:11 (laughs) (voice speeds up) I don't even know what to do.
00:01:13 And there's also alligators.
00:01:16 (normal voice) That's not good.
00:01:18 (air horn blows) (John H.) WOW. (laughs) He believed we had rocks for big balls.
00:01:21 Whoo!
00:01:22 can't wait until he gets to the alligators.
00:01:25 (John A.) OUR ROCK STAR IS UP TO The first obstacle--the hoops.
00:01:27 All he has to do is jump through a few hoops without faing into the mud.
00:01:30 (grunts) AAH!
00:01:32 Oh, eli going for a quick spin, but makes it back to his feet.
00:01:33 Aah!
00:01:36 Ooh!
00:01:36 H!
00:01:37 Eli, you're rockin' this course.
00:01:38 (bell dings) Geology puns? I wanna play!
00:01:40 I wanna play!
00:01:41 Hey, let's see if eli gets rocked on the sucker punch.
00:01:42 That's the exact same pun.
00:01:46 So?
00:01:46 Ooh!
00:01:48 Ooh!
00:01:48 eli just got rocked by the exact same glove. look.
00:01:51 ..
00:01:51 Ooh!
00:01:53 In 3-d.
00:01:53 Nice, johnny.
00:01:55 Eli's coming to the big balls.
00:01:55 You know what they say.
00:01:59 The bigger they are, the harder they fall!
00:02:01 (grunts) AAH!
00:02:01 Ooh!
00:02:03 And the quicker they sink.
00:02:05 Don't they say "rolling stones gather no moss"?
00:02:07 Ooh! yeah.
00:02:07 yeah, but it looks like this one's picking up some algae.
00:02:10 Well, our rock star, making his way to the shake-a-lator.
00:02:13 This is gonna suck.
00:02:14 It's not gonna suck.
00:02:14 It's gonna be awesome.
00:02:16 And we've added these velvet ropes that you jump over as you cross to the other side.
00:02:20 (grunts) Ah!
00:02:22 yeah, you were totally right. that sucked.
00:02:25 Aah!
00:02:25 the shake-a-lator getting the rock star and the stones.
00:02:28 (grunts) Let's see if he gets any better on the shape-shifter.
00:02:32 He'll have to jumpff that diving board, through one of the shapes and on to the final platform.
00:02:36 If he wipes out, it's a cold swim to this secondary finish spot.
00:02:39 I love diving boards.
00:02:41 Oh! diving boards love you.
00:02:43 And I love giant spinning wheels with geometrical shapes cut in them.
00:02:46 Eli's made it into the triangle and now just sort of needs to wheel back around and jump on to the-- aah!
00:02:53 Oh!
00:02:53 Oh! so close.
00:02:54 Rockin' it! just rockin'.
00:02:55 Rock star clashes with the shape-shifter, and it rocks his casbah.
00:02:58 Aah!
00:02:59 But our rock star does have a very nice opening time.
00:03:00 (panting) ..
00:03:05 Let's go back to the first obstacle, where fresh as a muddy spring morning is 21-year-old amber bronder.
00:03:09 Oh!
00:03:10 Aah!
00:03:11 she tries the sit-and-spin approach. surpse!
00:03:12 Aah!
00:03:13 Oh!
00:03:13 John, amber definitely did not see that coming.
00:03:17 Amber actually had a surprise for jill as well earlier.
00:03:19 And I did not see that coming.
00:03:20 So do you think rthis is intimidating the other competitors?
00:03:23 Absolutely.
00:03:25 Are you hurting right now?
00:03:25 No.
00:03:26 You're making me hurt.
00:03:27 (chuckles) I'M SORRY.
00:03:29 (John H.) IT'S MAKING You hurt, jill?
00:03:30 I pulled my groin just watching it.
00:03:31 Oh, my god! are you serious?
00:03:33 (grunts) Oh, I'm serious.
00:03:34 It's club henson this week.
00:03:36 Our shake-a-lator is the bouncer, and you gotta get over the velvet ropes if you wanna get in.
00:03:40 Aah!
00:03:42 But trust me, it's worth it, ..
00:03:43 Ooh!
00:03:45 Ladies drink free.
00:03:45 Aah! aah! aah!
00:03:48 I sure hope ..
00:03:50 Aah!
00:03:50 Because that hit was hard.
00:03:52 Now coming up on the shape-sifter, that's kimberly dreher.
00:03:54 Hey, you know what, john?
00:03:54 It looks like she's a vegan.
00:03:56 Really? how can you tell?
00:03:57 Oh, I can spot a vegan from anywhere.
00:03:59 Wow. good eyes.
00:03:59 I think it's all the carrots I eat.
00:04:03 Aah! this is scary.
00:04:05 Come on. it's not scary.
00:04:07 Fakin' bacon is scary.
00:04:07 This is just mildly amusing.
00:04:11 (sighs) Come on, vegan, don't be a chicken.
00:04:14 Johnny, don't egg her on.
00:04:14 Hey, that was a good yolk.
00:04:17 Oh!
00:04:17 Oh!
00:04:18 That was even better.
00:04:18 Luckily for our vegan, our padding is made out of soy and tofu.
00:04:23 It looks like real padding, but it tastes like real beef.
00:04:27 (grunts) Now let's go back to the top of the course.
00:04:28 Aah!
00:04:32 Aah!
00:04:34 Is it over yet?
00:04:34 (air horn blows) Is it over yet? heck, no.
00:04:36 We're just getting started.
00:04:36 Check out lifeguard tiffany garcia, heading towards the hoops.
00:04:40 Aah!
00:04:41 (John A. and John H.) OOH!
00:04:42 Ooh!ay,chihuahua.
00:04:44 Let's see how tiffany fares on the second half of the hoops.
00:04:46 Here she goes.
00:04:46 Aah!
00:04:47 Oh! she's back.
00:04:48 (laughs) YEAH, SHE MUST Really be having fun if she wants to do it again.
00:04:51 These hoops are no day at the beach.
00:04:54 Aah!
00:04:55 Ooh!
00:04:55 Let's see our lifeguard wipeout in "baywatch" super slo-mo.
00:04:56 Take a look.
00:04:56 Vit's a big hit here, and even bigger in repeats.
00:05:01 People have been taking shots at our hoops all day, johnny.
00:05:04 Aah!
00:05:05 (woman grunts) Ooh! ridonkulous!
00:05:08 Aah!
00:05:08 Not in my house.
00:05:10 Aah!
00:05:10 Yes!
00:05:12 Aah! oh!
00:05:12 Air ball!
00:05:15 Alley-oops!
00:05:15 Aah!
00:05:16 Yes! and it counts!
00:05:17 (grunts) AAH!
00:05:20 Aah!
00:05:20 Dipsy-doo dunkaroo, baby!
00:05:23 Jill, who's next?
00:05:24 I'm down here with jesse carrion.
00:05:26 You're a dad, right?
00:05:26 That's correct.
00:05:27 I have four children, and my fiancée also has ..
00:05:30 Oh, wow.
00:05:32 "Therady bunch" plus what, one, two?
00:05:34 (John H.) "BRADY BUNCH"?
00:05:34 " anderson, I've got this one.
00:05:38 brady, here's a story about a wall named sucker punch who's been bringing down some very lovely contestants.
00:05:42 Ooh!
00:05:43 jesse gets brady-punched, but keeps on going.
00:05:44 Oh! his nose!
00:05:48 Jesse takes a glove to the face like marcia took a football to the nose.
00:05:51 somebody's watched " founding father of the florence henderson fan club, my friend. oh!
00:05:56 jesse's made it onto the second big ball.
00:06:00 And he's off the second big ball.
00:06:02 And just like greg in hawaii, jesse surfs the second ball and wipes out.
00:06:06 I'm telling ya, never should have taken that evil tiki idol from bobby.
00:06:10 (voice cracking) AND IT'S Time to change obstacles.
00:06:11 Oh!
00:06:12 your voice is cracking like peter brady's.
00:06:16 My voice is cracking?
00:06:17 Oh! cracka-lacka!
00:06:19 Jesse getting manhandled by the shake-a-lator, but he crawls to that second set of ropes.
00:06:23 Aah!
00:06:25 Hey! brady crunched!
00:06:25 (voice continues cracking) Another hard hit on jesse.
00:06:29 Maybe it's time to change tactics.
00:06:31 I think that's a good idea, john, and he's doing it now, going over on his back instead of his stomach.
00:06:36 That's--that's interesting.
00:06:39 Let's see how jesse handles the end of the shake-a-lator.
00:06:40 Oh!
00:06:41 Oh!
00:06:42 (normal voice) OH!
00:06:42 A very brady wipeout indeed!
00:06:44 I love the shake-a-lator.
00:06:46 Mm, mike brady himself couldn't have designed it any better.
00:06:49 And poor jesse still has to get through the shape-shifter.
00:06:50 (grunts) circle takes the square uncomfortably.
00:06:54 Aah!
00:06:56 Curse you, evil tiki god!
00:06:58 Jesse wedged in there upside down and-- oh! upended into the water.
00:07:04 Jesse finishing with a disappointing time of 9:21.
00:07:07 "The brady bunch" is in danger of being canceled.
00:07:10 I watch it every day at 4:30.
00:07:13 Yeah, it was canceled BACK IN THE '70s.
00:07:15 You're watching reruns.
00:07:15 well, that would explain the hair.
00:07:18 Mm-hmm.
00:07:18 Stick around, america.
00:07:20 Yep, when we return, a boatload more wipeouts coming your way.
00:08:26 ]At loved deal so we've madeeven bigger changes.
00:08:29 We've lowered the priceof every pizza on our menu.
00:08:31 Now a large pizza with up tothree of your favorite toppings is just ten bucks.
00:08:34 Or any medium specialty pizzais just ten bucks, too.
00:08:38 Only at your pizza hut.
00:08:40 is list.
00:08:41 The cost always makes mom freak.
00:08:43 Mommy.
00:08:45 Mom, the back to school list is here.
00:08:47 Looks expensive.
00:08:48 Graphing calculator, flash drive -- that was easy.
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00:08:56 me realized I could do the weight watchers plan entirely online.
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00:09:02 One of the benefits of weight watchers online is that it's not only dealing with the food that I eat but it also deals with the exercise.
00:09:07 With the iphone app, you can keep track of points.
00:09:10 I can also journal my exercise while I'm out so that I can see what my budget for the day is.
00:09:14 I never thought I would look like this.
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00:09:23 ♪ ♪
00:10:27 ♪
00:10:30 " yeah, tonight we have a big surprise ending for you, people.
00:10:32 Mm-hmm.
00:10:35 Spoiler alert-- somebody is gonna walk away with $50,000.
00:10:39 Somebody wins $50,000 ery week.
00:10:42 Yeah, but this week it's somebody new.
00:10:44 Oh, well, in that case, let's get back to our qualifier.
00:10:47 Jill's down with our next contestant.
00:10:49 All right, guys, I'm down here with rob dickey.
00:10:51 Rob, welcome to our show.
00:10:52 Thank you.
00:10:53 So what special skills do you have?
00:10:53 Uh, numbers.
00:10:54 I'm really good at numbers.
00:10:57 Basically almost like a picture memory of--of numbers.
00:11:01 Really?
00:11:01 25, 6, 7, 4, 2, 1, 1, 1, 5.
00:11:03 15, 28, 1, 1, 8, 9, 2.
00:11:03 (John H.) HEY, IIAL SKILL. JOHN, WATCH.
00:11:09 (air horn blows) 6, 2, 7, 8, pi, "f," semicolon, ampersand.
00:11:12 So, uh, what is this guy's actual deal with numbers anyway?
00:11:15 He just likes 'em, john, thinks he's good with 'em.
00:11:16 (grunts) Oh!
00:11:18 slapstick comedy and a math whiz-- truly the lowest common denominator.
00:11:24 Well, let's see if he can count the number of jabs the sucker punch delivers.
00:11:26 One, two, three, four.
00:11:27 One, two, three, four.
00:11:29 (grunts) Oh!
00:11:31 Five.
00:11:31 Yeah, that wall is really kicking some math.
00:11:34 Our math is no doubt calculating his probability of getting over the big balls here.
00:11:39 Ow your work. oh!
00:11:40 Aah!
00:11:41 rob getting his numbers crunched.
00:11:42 Ooh! ow.
00:11:43 Now rob dickey's about to face a very simple problem-- it's the shake-a-lator.
00:11:46 On one side, off the other.
00:11:46 ! (grunts) and he's divided by that velvet rope.
00:11:52 ..
00:11:53 Oh!
00:11:53 But the shake-a-lator carries this remainder into the water.
00:11:55 (laughs) Our math whiz is up to the final obstacle--the shape-shifter.
00:12:00 Let's see how he is with geometry.
00:12:00 (grunts) Oh!
00:12:03 and it rings his bell curve.
00:12:06 A true math whiz knows you can take the hypotenuse of a triangle, divide it by a 10-mile-an-hour wind resistance, add a 15-degree jump angle and get the perfect trajectory to land on the final platform.
00:12:16 Rob's miscalculation-- he jumps straight down.
00:12:18 Still, ..
00:12:19 Ah. whoo!
00:12:21 A very coefficient run for our math wz.
00:12:23 Now back at the shake-a-lator, we have 23-year-old catherine thoma, who looks thrilled to be here.
00:12:28 !
00:12:29 Okay, maybe not, but she is excited to be representin'.
00:12:32 ♪ Single ladies ♪
00:12:32 catherine, basically, can I say that you want a boyfriend today?
00:12:36 Yeah, and if he's, like, 6-foot, tall, dark and handsome, if he likes to cook, ..
00:12:44 (John H.) WELL, AT LEAST SHE'S let's see if she goes for something mechanical, shaky and with ropes on it.
00:12:48 runts) AAH!
00:12:50 Oh!
00:12:50 Shake-a-lator immediately sweeps her off her feet.
00:12:53 And just like that, she's showg her clingy side.
00:12:54 Well, at least she's made a connection.
00:12:57 She's definitely heels over head.
00:12:58 Aah!
00:12:59 oh, the shake-a-lator wants to see other people.
00:13:02 It didn't take the shake-a-lator long to figure out it's just not th into her.
00:13:07 Catherine has one final shot at love, though, johnny-- it's the shape-shifter.
00:13:10 (boing) Aah!
00:13:12 Oh!
00:13:13 she gets denied one last time.
00:13:14 The shape-shifter tried ..
00:13:15 (ding) But uh-uh-oh, uh-uh-uh-oh.
00:13:17 Now approaching the shake-a-lator is david damiani.
00:13:22 Jill found out why he's a little gaga earlier.
00:13:24 David, what's something that no one knows about you?
00:13:27 um, my mother, for some reason, kept me sleeping in a crib since I was, like, 7 years old.
00:13:33 Yeah.
00:13:33 Wait a minute.
00:13:34 ..
00:13:36 Yeah.
00:13:37 Until you were 7?
00:13:39 Yeah. yeah.
00:13:39 (John H.) You think that's weird?
00:13:42 David wore diapers until he was 21.
00:13:42 Really?
00:13:44 No, but he's not up here to defend himself.
00:13:47 (grunts) Oh!
00:13:48 Let's see holong it takes big baby david to walk.
00:13:51 he's calling out for his mom, and he's only halfway through the shake-a-lator.
00:13:53 Maybe the shake-a-lator's rocking will lull him to sleep.
00:13:57 Or maybe that rope will give him diaper rash.
00:13:59 Oh!
00:14:00 Either way, our bouncing baby boy is getting burped by the shake-a-lator.
00:14:03 John, it looks like big baby david is hanging on to his childhood for as long as he can.
00:14:06 Oh! oh!
00:14:09 Sometimes you just gotta cut the cord, david.
00:14:10 Good advice.
00:14:13 Who else do we have on this john, who's that and where did he get that awesome t-shirt?
00:14:17 That's jahed khan, and he told jill all about that fancy shirt.
00:14:21 (bird chirps) Why isn't he moving?
00:14:24 I have no idea.
00:14:25 Where did you get that nice t-shirt you have ?
00:14:26 abc.com.
00:14:29 abc.com, RIGHT.
00:14:30 So let me guess-- you wore this t-shirt, thinking that our big balls would be nice to you, huh?
00:14:33 I think soyes.
00:14:36 That's why they gave it to me.
00:14:36 abc.com, YOU KNOW?
00:14:39 I'm the o-- SO LET'S PLUG abc.com ONE MORE TIME. (laughs) I'm--i'm the only one who got IT. SO abc.com, YOU KNOW?
00:14:43 abc.com. abc.com.
00:14:47 abc.com.
00:14:47 abc.com.
00:14:48 OH, abc.com.
00:14:49 (laughs) (John A.) JAHED Up to our big balls.
00:14:52 Well, let's see if he gets HALF AS MANY HITS AS abc.com.
00:14:53 OH! (grunts) Oh!
00:14:56 we have to see that again.
00:14:59 OH! (grunts) Oh!
00:15:01 Oh! commercial break.
00:15:03 You know, john, he's not the only one advertising how hard the big balls are.
00:15:06 Aah!
00:15:08 Ooh! magically ball-icious.
00:15:09 Aah!
00:15:10 AAH! (grunts) WHOA!
00:15:11 Mm!
00:15:12 Oh!
00:15:12 He's cuckoo for big balls.
00:15:14 Aah!
00:15:15 (laughs) Whew!
00:15:16 The big balls give ..
00:15:17 AAH! (grunts) And keep on ticking.
00:15:21 Piece of cake.
00:15:21 I'll tell you what's not a piece of cake-- the shake-a-lator.
00:15:25 And rico curtis is about to find out why.
00:15:27 It says here he calls himself " ah, he's getting thunderstruck by the shake-a-lator.
00:15:31 Aah!
00:15:34 Ah.
00:15:35 Valiant effort.
00:15:35 Valiant effort indeed, jill, but "rolling thunder" rico curtis is gonna need more than that if he's gonna get by the toughest obstacle on the qualifier today.
00:15:44 Let's enjoy his effort on the shape-shifter.
00:15:47 (grunts) (boing) OH! (laughs) Oh! spectacular!
00:15:51 Oh! that is how you do it.
00:15:54 No kidding, jill.
00:15:55 Rolling thunder jumps right through that circle and lands on the final platform. unreal.
00:16:01 A remarkable ending to a very competitive run by rico, inspired and possibly because, as he told us, he has to beat our last ..
00:16:07 (grunts) Who also happens to be his wife rebecca.
00:16:12 Just between us, who do you think's gonna win?
00:16:15 I mean, i-i gotta hide the guns, you know what I mean?
00:16:18 But I think it's gonna, you know, it's gonna be me.
00:16:19 I want to know your special skill.
00:16:22 What sets you apart from the other contestants?
00:16:23 You're not even gonna see me.
00:16:24 I'm gonna go right through it.
00:16:27 I'm gonna win this thing, baby.
00:16:28 Rebecca's calling her shot, tjohn.
00:16:30 She's not only beating her husband, at this point, she's got one of the fastest runs of the day.
00:16:33 Aah!
00:16:35 Oh!
00:16:35 now that's gonna be a hit to the time, but she's still looking lightning quick.
00:16:39 Oof!
00:16:41 "Oof" is a good word, ..
00:16:43 Aah!
00:16:43 " "lightning" curtis amping it up here.
00:16:47 Aah!
00:16:47 Makes it over the second set she's sure taking the shake-a-lator to school, johnny.
00:16:51 Her husband was the only person to make it through the shape-shifter.
00:16:57 I thinkshe'sgot what it takes to be the only person to get across the shake-a-lator.
00:17:00 There's only one way to find out, john.
00:17:03 Here she goes.
00:17:04 Aah!
00:17:05 Oh!
00:17:05 well, I also thought my first marriage was gonna make it.
00:17:07 Aah!
00:17:09 Lightning's up to the shape-shifter.
00:17:11 Let's see if the curtises can strike twice.
00:17:13 (boing) Oh, she made it into the square, john.
00:17:17 If she can just right herself ..
00:17:18 Aah!
00:17:20 (John A. and John H.) OHH!
00:17:20 Oh! that was so close.
00:17:23 Rebecca with a good jump, but the square grounds this lightning bolt to the short circuit.
00:17:27 But rebecca still finishes ..
00:17:28 Whoo!
00:17:31 28, Which is third fastest of the day, so both she and her husband will be moving on.
00:17:35 Also advancing-- rock star eli gurian, lifeguard tiffany garcia and math whiz rob dickey.
00:17:41 Also joining them will be single lady catherine thoma, big baby david damiani and jahed "abc-dot" khan.
00:17:47 Stick arou, america, ..
00:17:49 Aah!
00:17:49 Our contestants better watch their backs.
00:17:52 It's the double cross.
00:17:57 spade?
00:17:57 ..
00:17:58 Wait,are you the baby?
00:18:00 Ha, ha, ha!
00:18:01 7Up's new crisp, clean taste can make anyone feel ridiculously bubbly. whoa, ha, ha.
00:18:06 Hey, where do you want me to stick these?
00:18:08 By the fire place, of course!
00:18:09 What a great backyard, huh?
00:18:12 Why yes, perfect for barbecues.
00:18:14 7Up, a new taste so crisp andclean, it's ridiculous.
00:18:19 You want me to shove it?
00:18:19 Ok, let's wrap this up guys, it's wearing off.
00:18:24 It's our honeymoon.
00:18:25 But we've parted ways with our old airline credit card that promised flights for 25,000 miles.
00:18:29 IT WAS ALWAYS... [ laughing ] That seat's not happening without a big miles upcharge.
00:18:34 A miles upcharge wasn't part of the deal.
00:18:36 Was I supposed to go without my wife?
00:18:38 [ elevator bell dings ] [ grunting ] Haha, that was awkward.
00:18:41 SO WE UPGRADED TO THE Venture Card FROM Capital One.
00:18:44 We've had it with the games.
00:18:45 [ Male Announcer ] DON'T PAY MILES UPCHARGES.
00:18:47 Don't play games.
00:18:48 Get the flight you want WITH THE Venture Card AT Capitalone.com.
00:18:51 What's in your wallet?
00:19:25 this.
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00:19:46 it's a pretty big deal.
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00:20:11 I thought it was over here...
00:20:18 ♪♪
00:21:08 ct be curD AFTER THE QUALIFIER, We're down to 12.
00:21:24 Who's left, john?
00:21:26 Allow me to tell you.
00:21:27 We have the human pretzel, amber bronder, vegan kimberly dreher and the math whiz, rob dickey.
00:21:33 We also have single lady catherine thoma, and our married couple-- thunder and lightning, rico and rebecca curtis.
00:21:38 Johnny, be quiet for a second.
00:21:39 I'm not talking.
00:21:41 Do you hear that?
00:21:41 No.
00:21:43 It's the calm before the storm, the drumroll before fonzie jumps the shark, the beating of my heart before I fall in love with the double cross all over again.
00:21:51 And you know how love hurts.
00:21:53 Here's how the double cross works.
00:21:55 Our 12 contestants begin on a 10-foot-high platform as four planks move around and around.
00:22:00 Contestants must jump on to one of the green planks to start, then use the one rlank to get to the unstable table on the other side.
00:22:06 But look out, because in their ..
00:22:09 Aah!
00:22:09 Swinging around in the opposite direction.
00:22:11 If contestants wipeout, they have to start the whole thing all over again.
00:22:14 they are ready to get crossways.
00:22:17 So let's get started.
00:22:18 (cheering) Let's do this.
00:22:19 Single lady hitting on rico "thunder" curtis, who's married.
00:22:23 Hey, single lady, maybe you'd have a better chance with single guys.
00:22:28 Well, the double cross is underway, and here they go.
00:22:31 Oh!
00:22:31 two get crossed off immediately.
00:22:34 Big baby david gets spanked.
00:22:34 Oh!
00:22:36 Ooh!
00:22:36 And then sent to his room.
00:22:37 (grunts) That'll stunt your growth.
00:22:39 (grunts) (woman) GO, ELI!
00:22:41 Eli's on, and our rock star seems to have his own cheeng section.
00:22:43 Well, that's what happens when you're a rock star.
00:22:47 Now the fans rush the stage after him and then take stage dives.
00:22:50 Aah!
00:22:51 But our rock star's off to that finish spot.
00:22:52 Aah!
00:22:54 Oh!
00:22:54 eli's a rolling stone who can't get no satisfaction.
00:22:58 Jumping jack splash.
00:22:58 Oh!
00:22:59 Oh!
00:22:59 Our double cross getting cross with the contestants.
00:23:02 Aah!
00:23:02 The lifeguard goes in the deep end, and our single lady gets dumped.
00:23:06 Rob the math whiz travels the radius of our circle.
00:23:09 Ooh!
00:23:09 Ooh! our vegan gets squashed.
00:23:12 Math whiz is up,ooking to take that number one spot.
00:23:15 Computes the proper vector and, yes!
00:23:17 Yeah! whoo!
00:23:18 His calculations are correct, and our math whiz is the first contestant moving on.
00:23:20 That leaves five spots.
00:23:23 Big baby david leaves the training wheels behind as he makes it to the center and straight to the finish.
00:23:27 (Jill) WAY TO GO!
00:23:29 He's moving on as well.
00:23:29 They grow up so quickly, john.
00:23:32 With big baby david claiming ..
00:23:33 Aah!
00:23:35 Only four remain.
00:23:35 But lightning rebecca and the rock star are on, and our rock star has definite staying power ..
00:23:41 (grunts) Down the red plank and--oh!
00:23:43 Oh, no!
00:23:44 Our rock star has no sense of rhythm.
00:23:46 (grunts) That platform tips every nine seconds, and you gotta time iright.
00:23:49 We still have the four spots open.
00:23:52 I see you, babe.
00:23:52 !
00:23:53 Thunder rumbling some cheers for his wife, ..
00:23:56 Oh!
00:23:57 But no good.
00:23:57 Vegan gets hit by the sweeper arm, but is holding on like bacon wrapped around a filet.
00:24:00 Not that she would know what that deliciousness is like.
00:24:03 And our rock star has once again made it to center stage.
00:24:08 (Kimberly) AAH!
00:24:08 What was that?
00:24:09 Jahed "abc-dot" khan jumps our vegan and scares her off faster than you can say "haggis," just as the bar sends "abc-dot" khan into the water-backslash- starting platform.
00:24:20 Still four spots left, and our rock star's a stone's throw away from the finish platform, and eli advances.
00:24:25 Come on!
00:24:26 And he will, he will rock us in the next round.
00:24:29 (Jill) ALL RIGHT, LADIES.
00:24:30 (woman) WE'RE TRYING.
00:24:31 (woman) I'M TRYING HERE.
00:24:31 I'm trying.
00:24:32 (John H.) GOOD POINT, JILL. ALL The guys are moving on so far.
00:24:35 The girls need to step it up.
00:24:35 Hi.
00:24:36 And our single lady has made it to the middle.
00:24:37 How you doin'?
00:24:40 And there she goes again, just hitting on the married man.
00:24:42 it never works out for the other woman.
00:24:45 ..
00:24:45 Mm-hmm.
00:24:47 So she's on her way to break up the affair.
00:24:48 Then again, lightning always follows thunder.
00:24:49 Other way around, john, but thunder's up and rumbling down that red plank.
00:24:52 Aah!
00:24:54 double cross stole his thunder.
00:24:54 Our single lady finally coming ..
00:24:58 Aah!
00:24:58 And--ooh! rejected.
00:25:00 Oh!
00:25:00 Ooh.
00:25:02 Amber, the human pretzel, wraps herself around the bar and making her way to the middle.
00:25:06 Now the lifeguard is on the bar.
00:25:06 What is it with these ladies riding the pole?
00:25:09 (filtered voice) ALL LADIES To the center stage.
00:25:10 Rebecca's lining up that red plank.
00:25:13 Oh!
00:25:14 (normal voice) OH! WOWIE!
00:25:15 The platform catches lightning in a bottle.
00:25:16 (grunts) Well, we still have three spots open.
00:25:21 Human pretzel headed for that finish.
00:25:21 Oh!
00:25:23 Oh! gets hit by the bar.
00:25:24 Whoa!
00:25:24 Oh!
00:25:25 Sh--my god!
00:25:26 "Sh--my god" is right.
00:25:26 With one fell swoop, the sweeper arm takes out the lifeguard and the human pretzel.
00:25:30 Have I mentioned three spots open? lightning at it again.
00:25:35 Oh, bit of a st-- she's made it to the middle.
00:25:37 Lifeguard right behind her.
00:25:39 Single lady's made it again as well.
00:25:41 Lightning is up, and the lifeguard is trailing behind.
00:25:43 (Rebecca) Got it! got it! got it!
00:25:45 lightning has made it to the finish spot.
00:25:48 Lifeguard's gotta get off that table before it tips.
00:25:49 Aah!
00:25:51 Oh!
00:25:51 Oh, my god.
00:25:52 Oh! amazing!
00:25:52 That fills two of our spots, leaving one question left unanswered-- who will be the last contestant moving on?
00:25:57 Thunder makes a move and rendezvous with our single lady.
00:26:00 Come on, baby.
00:26:01 His better half either trying to help him remember his marriage vows or trying to get him to the next round.
00:26:04 But single lady ending the affair.
00:26:07 Oh! she needs to hurry.
00:26:08 Please don't tip me. aah!
00:26:09 And she has made it to the finish and claims that final spot.
00:26:11 You're definitely gonna get a boyfriend now.
00:26:15 I hope so!
00:26:15 And with that, we have our final six.
00:26:18 Among them are math whiz rob dickey, big baby david damiani, rock star eli gurian, rebecca "lightning" curtis, lifeguard tiffany garcia and single lady catherine thoma.
00:26:28 I hope they're hungry, because we are about ..
00:26:30 Aah!
00:26:32 That is sure to end with a lot of heartburn.
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00:26:38 [ grunting ] ♪ WALK LIKE AN ANGEL ♪
00:26:40 ♪ Walk like an angel ♪
00:26:42 [ laughs ] ♪ Talk like an angel ♪
00:26:45 ♪ but I got wise ♪
00:26:48 [ grunting ] ♪ YOU'RE THE DEVIL IN DISGUISE ♪
00:26:50 [ Male Announcer ] WE PUT IT THROUGH ..
00:26:54 So it'll stand up to just about anything.
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00:27:36 I could wear hats, if I partookin hat type things (birds chirping) Like strolling in an orchard ♪
00:27:47 Is this my husband?
00:27:48 Awesome Cool hat, Mom Oh my perfect kids Alright Fourteen Ninety Nine I totally wear hats ♪
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00:28:16 [ beep ] [ Male Announcer ]FIND AN ITALIAN MASTERPIECE In your grocer's freezer.
00:28:21 New from buitoni.
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00:30:07 Welcome back.
00:30:07 We are pleased to have you ..
00:30:09 Providing you with your rommended daily dose of calcium, iron, vitamin d and wipeouts.
00:30:15 After double crossing six contestants off our list, we are left with 6 stalwarts gunning for our $50,000 prize.
00:30:21 ..
00:30:22 Math whiz rob dickey, big baby david damiani, rock star eli gurian, rebecca "lightning" curtis, lifeguard tiffany garcia and single lady catherine thoma.
00:30:33 Of those six, only four can move on to the wipeout zone.
00:30:36 What you got there, johnny?
00:30:36 Oh, uh, this is a brand-new "wipeout" cookbook.
00:30:39 I thought I'd whip up something at lunch, you know, in our brand-new "wipeout" cafeteria.
00:30:42 You mean cafeteria spinner?
00:30:44 Yeah, it's more of a lazy susan thing, huh?
00:30:47 Okay, well, they'll have to stay on this "lazy susan" as long as possible.
00:30:51 Contestants must jump over this bar every time it swings around.
00:30:55 If they go under the bar ..
00:30:56 Aah!
00:30:57 They're out of the round.
00:30:58 In addition, contestants can grab for this brass ring, and earn a $1,000 bonus.
00:31:01 (bell tinkles, cash register dings) But, john, it won't be easy, because serving lunch today are my personal chefs, and they specialize in a low-fat, high-impact diet.
00:31:09 Four rounds.
00:31:11 The last person standing in each round moves on to the wipeout zone.
00:31:13 Hey, you know, I got a nice dessert recipe right here.
00:31:17 It's a, uh, pound cake " see, I thought " oh, I didn't even think of that.
00:31:23 Mm-hmm.
00:31:23 Well, let's grab a tray.
00:31:25 The line has formed at the cafeteria.
00:31:27 Math whiz trying hard to calculate his odds of making it to the wipeout zone, and big baby david looks ready to be fed like a baby bird.
00:31:32 John, I think he has his eye on that $1,000 ring.
00:31:37 (ding) Well, we'll find out if he's able to buy a warmer for his baby wipes, because here we go!
00:31:41 (bell rings) Aah!
00:31:43 ..
00:31:45 Whoo-hoo!
00:31:46 Whoa!
00:31:46 ..
00:31:47 Big baby david straight for that 100 bucks, but he sacrificed his chances of winning this round.
00:31:49 Yeah, john, it's like he was ptrying to jump out of his crib.
00:31:54 Wah!
00:31:55 Snagged the ring, but then the spinner puts him in time-out.
00:31:57 Whoo-hoo!
00:31:59 John, that leaves our five grown-up contestants to battle it out under a hailstorm of italian delights.
00:32:02 (Tiffany grunts) ..
00:32:05 Terribly.
00:32:06 No!
00:32:08 The trifecta-- the lifeguard in the pool, rock star down in the quarry, and our single lady just following a man. this is sad.
00:32:14 Oh. nice.
00:32:16 ..
00:32:17 Oh!
00:32:18 Of getting pummeled.
00:32:18 Ohh! was that a watermelon?
00:32:21 Not sure, jill, but the math whiz is feeling it, and here comes a pizza projectile.
00:32:25 Aah!
00:32:27 Yuck!
00:32:27 Finally math whiz gets pied, but it's lightning rebecca curtis who's down and out.
00:32:32 That means our math whiz wins a free trip to the wipeout zone, and all the cabbage and sausage he can eat.
00:32:35 Yeah!
00:32:37 This is not the most sanitary event.
00:32:38 one of our chefs isn't even wearing pants, which as you know, is the way I like to cook at home.
00:32:46 I'm telling ya, you gotta come over.
00:32:47 All right, guys, we're serving up round two. yummy!
00:32:50 Well, jill, round one was culinary chaos, but now that our contestants have a taste of the event and there's no $1,000 distraction, this is gonna be an all-out food fight, to see which of these five stays on the longest.
00:33:00 (bell rings) Here they go.
00:33:05 (woman) AAH!
00:33:06 Gadzooks!
00:33:06 Wow!
00:33:08 Oh!
00:33:09 (Jill) OH! OH!
00:33:09 Oh!
00:33:10 Oh, my god. what happened?
00:33:11 Our chef serving up mean cuisine.
00:33:13 (Tiffany) WAIT. WHO MADE IT?
00:33:14 ..
00:33:16 What was that?
00:33:16 Or what hit 'em.
00:33:19 Let's take a look.
00:33:20 The big love came from the most beautiful dollop of ketchup I have ever seen.
00:33:27 (choir) ♪ AH ♪
00:33:31 ♪ Ah ♪
00:33:33 (man) OH!
00:33:33 Now that's an attack of a killer tomato.
00:33:36 (video rewinds) I have gotta see that again.
00:33:40 (man) OH!
00:33:41 5-Contestant wipeout, and a closer look shows rebecca "lightning" curtis still strong without her thunder.
00:33:47 She'll be the second to advance to the wipeout zone.
00:33:50 All righ guys, we're cooking up round three.
00:33:52 Yeah, that sauce is just rancid.
00:33:53 Aw, no one likes to see the single lady suffer like this.
00:33:58 Well, maybe the woman whose husband she hit on.
00:33:59 (bell rings) Oh, god!
00:34:00 Singleady getting treated to a ltle fast-food date, ..
00:34:05 Head of lettuce.
00:34:07 Not anymore.
00:34:08 (spits) Lifeguard submarined by a wad of dough, sliding in a sea of spaghetti.
00:34:13 Oh! aah!
00:34:15 Arrivederci.
00:34:15 Ciao,bella.
00:34:17 Rock star getting stoned with globs of dough, but he's making it over the bar, and he'll win it .. can't.
00:34:22 Oh!
00:34:24 (Catherine) AAH! OH, MY GOD!
00:34:25 Sayonara, single lady.
00:34:26 And big baby david is diaper-creamed, and that sends eli the rock star swimming his way into the wipeout zone.
00:34:32 Well, john, with one spot left, big baby david might be kicking himself for going after that $1,000 ring.
00:34:37 He's in the last round with a better chance of getting out of his crib than making it to the wipeout zone.
00:34:43 All right, guys, the food's getting cold, so round four has begun.
00:34:47 (Jill) You guys like seafood?
00:34:49 No, I hate seafood.
00:34:51 Too bad.
00:34:51 (John A. laughs) (John H.) WOW.
00:34:53 Holy mackerel.
00:34:54 Is there fish?
00:34:54 Yeah, a huge one.
00:34:55 Are you kidding?
00:34:56 Oh, johnny, are they in for a surprise.
00:34:59 (bell rings) This is the final round.
00:35:01 And wait till you see what drops in.
00:35:04 The lunch lady.
00:35:04 Ah.
00:35:05 John, that's our "wipeout" cafeteria lady, and she--he's brought some very slippery clam chowder to serve up.
00:35:10 Aah!
00:35:11 That fish must have been a red herring, because I did not see her--him showing up.
00:35:13 Well, obviously the lunch lady is more skilled ..
00:35:18 Oh, my god! oh!
00:35:19 But she--he's got tiffany the lifeguard in trouble.
00:35:21 Tiffany back up now, but it is raining pizzas again.
00:35:24 Big baby david confidently taking a bite.
00:35:26 (laughs) He's paying the price.
00:35:27 and now the fish are flying.
00:35:28 (contestants scream) Fish? no!
00:35:32 Oh!
00:35:34 (laughing) Big baby david is down.
00:35:36 He's definitely not getting pampered.
00:35:37 (woman shouts indiinctly) Oh, and the lunch lady's back, and she--he's got a handful of spaghetti.
00:35:41 Oh! oh, no!
00:35:43 Tiffany the lifeguard ..
00:35:44 No!
00:35:46 And she's beached.
00:35:47 Carpe diem-- either big baby david or our single lady need to seize the one spot left in the wipeout zone.
00:35:53 That's just gotta be one overtired baby, but he's made it over the bar.
00:35:56 Aah!
00:35:57 Single lady's down-- not just desperate, but desperately trying to hang on.
00:36:01 (contestants cheering) Oh!
00:36:03 Not gonna save it.
00:36:04 Single's out.
00:36:04 That's good news for lightning, and even better for big baby david.
00:36:08 He's one baby step closer to $50,000.
00:36:11 Get him to the changing table.
00:36:13 (contestants laughing) Johnny, I got my eye on a little surf and turf action.
00:36:17 I'm gonna leave it up to you to do the leaderboard.
00:36:18 Oh! all right! yay!
00:36:20 And with that, we are down to our final four.
00:36:23 They are rebecca "lightning" curtis, big baby david damiani, math whiz rob dickey and rock star eli gurian.
00:36:29 Stick around, because they'll all be staring down the wipeout zone soon, and a shot of winning $50,000.
00:36:33 Oh!
00:36:36 Oh! ooh!
00:36:39 hip-hop.
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00:36:39 [ Man #2 ] COME ON, SON. YOU'LL NEVER BE Like your dad.
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00:41:57 She,0 no it begins here at the dreadmill launch, where contestants free-fall 40 feet and bounce into arctic-like waters.
00:42:05 Then it's a short swim over to the gut busters, where they'll have to crawl up these blocks, through the hoop and across to the other side.
00:42:10 After enduring that pounding, our contestants move on to our flight of sinistairs.
00:42:16 They have to climb to the top of a spinning spiral staircase of trouble without being taken down by two ruthless sweeper arms finally, our finest four will have to make their way through the gauntlet.
00:42:26 The crankshaft winds it up, followed by the fearsome looking blades of fury, then across the bruising beater totter and through the hoop to the finish platform.
00:42:33 Four contestants remain, and the one with the best time goes home $50,000 richer.
00:42:37 Up first, rebecca curtis, who's hoping to storm through the wipeout zone.
00:42:40 Rebecca "lightning" curtis struck twice in the qualifier and the double cross, but left her thunder behind when she went on to the food fight.
00:42:49 We'll see if one curtis in the zone is enough to bring home the money.
00:42:51 Rebecca is up top, the dreadmill launch sequence ..
00:42:54 (whirring) ..
00:42:57 (clock beeps) ..
00:43:00 Oh!
00:43:00 Crashing ..
00:43:01 (screams and grunts) And dropping 40 feet into the waters of the wipeout zone.
00:43:04 Yeah, it's key to get a lot of ..
00:43:05 Oh!
00:43:07 And rebecca gets good distance off the bounce.
00:43:08 Oh!
00:43:10 She's now up to the gut busters.
00:43:11 These take speed and daring, john.
00:43:12 That hoop tonight xis gonna make it even more difficult.
00:43:16 the hoop almost making her fall right there.
00:43:19 does she have the strength here? oh!
00:43:23 Oh!
00:43:23 She grabs on to that hoop, but that block drops out from beneath her.
00:43:26 Oh!
00:43:28 Lightning crashes down into that water below.
00:43:30 Rebecca returning to the gut busters now for her second opportunity.
00:43:33 (grunts) Right through the hoop.
00:43:35 No problem.
00:43:35 Oh!
00:43:37 Oh, a slip backwards.
00:43:37 Oh! yeah.
00:43:39 She's going down again.
00:43:40 John, she just didn't have her balance on the block, fell backwards and didn't have the arm strength to hang on.
00:43:46 Back for a third run on these gut busters.
00:43:48 She's quickly getting back up for a face-off with that dreaded hoop.
00:43:51 Diving through, though.
00:43:53 Mm.
00:43:53 No fear.
00:43:55 Braced on the block.
00:43:55 Aah!
00:43:56 took a punishi hit, but managed to hang on and avoid another disaster there.
00:44:01 And she's across.
00:44:03 Now she is finally off to confront the sinistairs.
00:44:06 She's gonna need to be clean the rest of the way to set a strong time to beat.
00:44:10 and our only woman manning up for the sistair run.
00:44:11 (grunts) I love it.
00:44:14 Avoids that sweeper arm.
00:44:15 Rebecca going into overdrive, pushing her way to the top.
00:44:19 A stellar run up those stairs.
00:44:21 (laughs) YEAH, THEY CALL HER Lightning for a reason.
00:44:23 Hits that platform at 5:45.
00:44:24 Great shape now at the gauntlet.
00:44:27 First up is that crankshaft.
00:44:28 It's an easy pattern, but really tricky to negotiate.
00:44:31 She sprints.
00:44:31 Aah!
00:44:33 Oh!
00:44:33 Ohh.
00:44:33 We'll look at that again, john.
00:44:34 Yeah, the crankshaft takes ttiming and patience.
00:44:38 Speed is not the answer.
00:44:38 Oh!
00:44:40 And that is a hard-learned lesson for rebecca.
00:44:42 Her second shot at the crankshaft.
00:44:44 She crosses.
00:44:44 Now faces the blades of fury.
00:44:48 Slashing through both sets with ease.
00:44:50 And now on to that brutal beater totter.
00:44:51 Not easy.
00:44:54 Oh, another hoop.
00:44:54 45, fighting exhaustion ..
00:44:55 Ohh!
00:44:58 Holding on to that ring, the totteradding to the difficulty.
00:45:01 Wo she is showing a lot of grit and determination.
00:45:02 (grunts) She wants that $50,000, john.
00:45:07 Oh!, a perfect flip through.
00:45:09 That's really impressive.
00:45:09 Oh!
00:45:11 So close to the edge, but so far from finishing.
00:45:13 Pulling herself ever closer to the end.
00:45:16 Setting up, and a powerful leap across.
00:45:18 (grunts) She's on and she is up.
00:45:21 Yeah!
00:45:22 "Wipeout," I got you!
00:45:24 11 seconds, rebecca sets a great time to beat.
00:45:27 And now david damiani is hoping to take her down.
00:45:31 Big baby david damiani ..
00:45:32 Aah!
00:45:34 On the qualifier, it his stride in the double cross.
00:45:38 The food fight made him cranky, and it took him all four rounds, but he made it to the wipeout zone.
00:45:43 David is up on the dreadmill.
00:45:44 The launch sequence a go.
00:45:46 Dreadmill armed,
00:00:00 To join us next week, when we will have 24 new contestants taking on even crazier new obstacles, and, of course, to of wipeouts.
00:00:07 and for our colleague jill wagner, I'm john henson, saying goodnight and big balls ♪
00:00:15 aah!
00:00:15 Captioned byClos Captioning Services, Inc.
00:00:19 ♪
00:00:21 aah!
00:00:23 (thud) (thud, squeak) AAH! (boing) (grunts) (boing, thud) (crunch) (smack) (woman) AAH!
00:00:38 (thud, smack) Ah!
00:00:41 (boing) Aah!
00:00:43 Ooh! aah! whoa!
00:00:46 (mutters) (John H.) It's that time, america!
00:00:57 (man and woman) AAH!
00:00:57 What goes up must wipeout.
00:00:59 (grunts) OH!
00:00:59 OH! (laughs) (John A.) And wipeout they will, as 12 families--

Matthew A. Staccone obit

Staccone, Matthew A. SCHENECTADY
Matthew A. Staccone died suddenly on Monday, December 27, 2010. Matt was born in Rochester, N.Y. to Rose Ingutti Staccone and Anthony Staccone. He attended Bishop Kearney High School and graduated from SUNY Albany with a degree in economics. He was employed as a senior business advisor for the Small Business and Development Center at SUNY Albany. Although tempted by retirement, Matt loved his job for he was a social man who truly liked people. Matt also enjoyed giving back to the community. He happily served as president of the board of directors for Habitat for Humanity in Schenectady County. An active member of the Schenectady Curling Club; he rarely passed up an opportunity to volunteer: ever willing to lend a hand wherever he was needed. Matt was diverse in his interests: Nascar, vegetable gardening, biking and golf - at all of which he "excelled", of course. Matt is survived by his wife of 25 years, Mary Printsky and his beloved children, Anthony and Caroline Staccone. Matt was immensely proud of their accomplishments. Friends and acquaintances were often treated to many details of their lives. Matt is also survived by his mother, Rose Staccone; his beloved twin brother, Thomas (Barbara) Staccone and his sister, Mary Beth (Jim) Mateer, all of Rochester, N.Y. Erik, Sam, Chris and Tim will miss his constant advice. Matt was predeceased by his father, Tony Staccone, the man who taught Matt the true meaning of fatherhood. Funeral service Friday morning 8:15 from the Daly Funeral Home, Inc., 242 McClellan St., Schenectady and 9:00 at St. Helen's Church where a Mass of Christian Burial will be celebrated. Calling hours Thursday afternoon 4:00 to 8:00 in the evening at the funeral home. Interment St. Mary's Cemetery, Ft. Johnson. If desired, donations may be made to Habitat for Humanity, PO Box 9043, Schenectady, NY 12309. The family requests your prayers. Online condolences may be expressed at www.dalyfuneralhome.com [] Published in Albany Times Union on December 30, 2010

Atheists Don't Have No Songs-Steve Martin With The Steep Canyon Rangers

Christians have their hymns and pages, Hava Nagila’s for the Jews,
Baptists have the rock of ages, Atheists just sing the blues.
Romantics play Claire de Lune, Born agains sing He is risen,
But no one ever wrote a tune, For godless existentialism.

For Atheists, There’s no good news, They’ll never sing a song of faith.
In their songs For atheists, They have a rule, The “he” is always lowercase. (The “he” is always lowercase.)

Some folks sing a Bach cantata, Lutherans get Christmas trees,
Atheist songs add up to nada, But they do have Sundays free.

Pentecostalists sing they sing to heaven, Coptics have the books of scrolls,
Numerologists can count to seven, Atheists have rock and roll.

CHORUS

Catholics dress up for Mass, And listen to Gregorian chants.
Atheists just take a pass, Watch football in their underpants (Watch football in their underpants.)

Atheists, Atheists, Atheists, Don’t have no songs!

James C. Russell in his own words

The controversial 2001 Occidental Quarterly article by 2010 Republican candidate for Congress, Jim Russell (NY -18th CD), pulled by OQ


The Western Contribution to World History
James C. Russell
The Occidental Quarterly, Volume 1, Number 2

“I shall begin by speaking about our ancestors, since it is only right and proper on such an occasion to pay them the honor of recalling what they did.” Thus wrote Thucydides in his History of the Peloponnesian War1 and so it is fitting to pay tribute to those whose deeds contributed toward the creation and defense of our Western Civilization. The deeds of our ancestors, which we have chosen to commemorate today, include those of a military, cultural and scientific nature.
In his book entitled The Birth of Europe, medieval historian Robert Lopez posed the question: “What enabled Europe to emerge finally on top?” His answer was “the absence of great invasions for a thousand years.”2 Hence we begin our survey of Western contributions by paying tribute to those who, throughout the history of the West, courageously repulsed alien invading forces.
The first great battle for the survival of the West occurred nearly 2,500 years ago, in 480 B.C. in Greece. Herodotus, the first great Western historian, describes this legendary battle in his History of the Persian War. When the Persians invaded Greece, the Greeks realized that they were outnumbered and needed time to reorganize their forces. They sought to delay the approaching Persians at a narrow mountain pass. The following selection describes a scenario not unlike that which confronts us today: the fear and resignation of the many, the outright treason of some, and the sacrifice of the few who fight valiantly against insurmountable odds. Herodotus wrote:
[7.207] The Greek forces at Thermopylae, when the Persian army drew near to the entrance of the pass, were seized with fear; and a council was held to consider a retreat. It was the wish of the Greeks generally that the army should fall back. But Leonidas, the Spartan King, gave his voice for remaining where they were.
[7.210] Four whole days went by, and Xerxes, the Persian king, expected that the Greeks would run away. When, however, he found on the fifth day that they were not gone, thinking that their firm stand was mere impudence and recklessness, he grew angry, and sent against them the Medes and Cissians, with orders to take them alive and bring them into his presence. Then the Medes rushed forward and charged the Greeks, but fell in vast numbers.
[7.212] During these assaults, it is said that Xerxes, who was watching the battle, thrice leaped from the throne on which he sat, in terror for his army. Next day the combat was renewed, but with no better success on the part of the Persians.
[7.213] Now, as the Persian king was in great distress, and knew not how he should deal with the emergency, Ephialtes, the son of Eurydemus, a Greek, came to him and was admitted to a conference. Hoping to receive a rich reward at the king’s hands, he had come to tell him of a pathway which led across the mountain to Thermopylae. By this disclosure he brought destruction on the band of his fellow Greeks who had previously withstood the Persians.
[7.219] The news came that the Persians were marching round by the hills: it was still night when these men arrived. Then the Greeks held a council to consider what they should do, and here opinions were divided: some were strong against quitting their post, while others contended to the contrary. So when the council had broken up, part of the troops departed and went their ways homeward to their several states; part however resolved to remain, and to stand by Leonidas to the last.
[7.223] The Persians under Xerxes began to draw near; and the Greeks under Leonidas, as they now went forth determined to die, advanced much further than on previous days. . . . Now they took the battle beyond the wall, and carried slaughter among the Persians, who fell in heaps.
[7.224] Leonidas himself fell fighting bravely, together with many other famous Spartans, whose names I have taken care to learn on account of their great worthiness, as indeed I have the names of all the three hundred.
[7.225] Drawing back into the narrowest part of the pass, and retreating even behind the wall, they posted themselves upon a hill, where they stood all drawn up together in one close body. . . . The hill whereof I speak is at the entrance of the pass, where the stone lion now stands which was set up in honour of Leonidas. Here the Greeks defended themselves to the last, such as still had swords using them, and the others resisting with their hands and teeth; till the Persians, who . . . now encircled them upon every side, overwhelmed and buried the remnant . . . beneath showers of arrows.
This inspirational sacrifice of our ancient ancestors at Thermopylae led to a Greek victory over the Persians and permitted Hellenic culture to flourish. The seminal cultural and intellectual contribution of the Greeks to world history was an objective, logical world-view as embodied in the Aristotelean syllogism. As Revilo Oliver has noted:
The Occidental mind, which appears fully formed in the earliest Greek philosophers and has not since changed, is the mind of conceptual thought-of thought directed from the mind toward an object. The Oriental mind . . . does not think conceptually; its thought is never directed away from itself. The Oriental mind cannot separate what it is thinking about from itself. The capacity for objective thought is peculiar to the philosophical mind of the West. . . . [T]he unique civilization of the West [is] a unity-a single continuity that runs, with fluctuations but no break, from the ancient Greeks to ourselves.3
The objective Greek world-view was expressed in the cosmological speculation of the pre-Socratic philosophers of the sixth and fifth centuries B.C. Thales, who may have been the world’s first astronomer, is reported to have predicted an eclipse that occurred in 585 B.C.4 His speculation that water is the source of all things was made in such a way that has led him to be considered “the first man in history to suggest that there is an order in nature which the mind can comprehend.”5 Later, in the fifth century, by abstract reasoning, Democritus anticipated some of the basic concepts of contemporary atomic theory.
The philosophy of this era also contributed the notion of areté, which is sometimes translated as virtue, but might better be described as a career-specific drive for excellence and its fulfillment. It is from this ancient Greek ideal that the modern exhortations of: “Be the best you can be” and “Reach your highest potential” are derived. In Homeric literature the areté of the warrior was bravery coupled with victory. The areté of the philosopher was knowledge, and optimally abstract knowledge about the process of obtaining knowledge itself or “contemplation.”
Greek philosophy was complemented by literature, sculpture and architecture. The comedic and tragic works of the early Greek dramatists from Euripides to Æschylus served as models for literature throughout the history of the West and the surviving amphitheaters serve as reminders of the active participation of the ancient Greek populace in their local culture.
Greek sculpture followed the general cultural dictum of Protagoras that “Man is the measure of all things.” It depicted ideal human forms such as Myron’s Discus Thrower6 andPraxiteles’ Aphrodite whose ethnic characteristics serve as a reminder of a more homogeneous past. The inspiring architecture of the Acropolis, and particularly the Parthenon, remains a standard for public buildings to this day. The mathematical contributions of the Greeks go beyond the Pythagorean theorem and include Euclidean geometry and the application of mathematics to physics and military technology by Archimedes.
Unfortunately for the ancient Greeks, Alexander the Great, who died in 323 B.C., despite being an astute tactician, unwittingly became the first apostle of multiculturalism and demonstrated the ethnocultural dangers of empire-building. After conquering Persia, in an apparent effort to consolidate his rule, Alexander married a Persian princess, dressed as a Persian nobleman and encouraged his officers to marry Persian women. Alexander “declared that all men were alike sons of one Father and . . . he prayed that Macedonians and Persians might be partners in the commonwealth and that the peoples of his world might live in harmony and in unity of heart and mind.”7
Predictably, Alexander’s goal of imposing Hellenic civilization upon his newly-conquered subjects was not accomplished. Instead, many immigrants from the conquered Eastern territories made their way to Greece with the result being cultural and genetic dissonance, as well as religious syncretism and a condition of social confusion sometimes referred to as anomie. These Eastern immigrants contributed toward the de-Hellenization of Greece by importing their world-rejecting escapist mystery cults which began to appeal to the native Greek population due to the sociocultural stress they were experiencing. The individual anxiety and depression associated with anomie also contributed toward what has been described as a “failure of nerve” which had political and military consequences as well.
Later, in the Hellenistic era, as Greece became immersed in the cultural diversity of its Eastern subject peoples, Greek philosophy reflected the Eastern orientation toward the interior life of the mystical and supernatural. While Plato’s view of a separation between a transcendent and immutable world of ideas and earthly world of corresponding inferior forms may be a reflection of Middle Eastern dualism, in his Republic, Plato defends the fundamental unit of Greek life, the polis or city-state. In his famous allegory of the cave, Plato conveys his belief that the ruling class should be drawn from those philosophers, who upon attaining knowledge, leave behind the shadowy distortions of the cave but feel compelled to return and risk their lives attempting to enlighten their countrymen who languish in ignorance.
It might be noted that the model of the Greek city-states and the medieval model of a conglomeration of local European ethnostates both correspond closely to the optimal model for human evolution by encouraging the development of a variety of competing population groups within the boundaries of Europe. Ancient efforts at empire-building and contemporary trends toward globalization thwart the operation of this fundamental life process.
Commenting on the impending end of human evolution in the Cambridge Encyclopedia of Human Evolution, British geneticist Steve Jones, one of the Encyclopedia’s three editors, has noted that a “pattern of small, isolated and partially inbred populations has characterized humanity for most of our evolutionary history.” However, “no longer will the human species be made up of a network of small and isolated populations, each evolving more or less independently. Instead future generations of humanity will behave much more like a single genetic unit.” Jones concludes:
Many geneticists believe that evolution is particularly rapid in groups of small populations that exchange occasional migrants. . . . The rapidity of human evolution may be partly due to our tribal structure, whose genetic effects were increased by repeated bottlenecks experienced as human populations spread into new parts of the world. Increased mobility means that this phase of history is now at an end, and perhaps, that human evolution is now almost over.8 [Emphasis added.]
The decrease in reproductive isolation resulting from increased mobility may not be without dire consequences. Although an immediate effect may be a reduction in genetic diseases, Jones aloofly concedes, that apparently “this phase cannot last: sooner or later the harmful genes will again reappear in double dose, so that future generations may have to pay the price. . . .”9
After the decline of Greece, Rome followed a similar pattern of initial homogeneous cultural achievement followed by empire-building and consequent alien immigration. In order to increase tax revenues, aliens were granted citizenship with its attendant tax obligations. The heterogenization of the Roman Empire contributed to social, psychological and religious destabilization resulting in the increased appeal of religious cults which offered an artificial, non-biological sense of community in this world and the hope of salvation in the next. In a study entitled, Enemies of the Roman Order, historian Ramsay MacMullen has remarked that by the fourth century A.D.:
The civilization called Roman, . . . yields to another, compounded of heterogeneous elements formerly suppressed. . . .eliefs about the supernatural, once illegal or contemptuously relegated to ploughboys and servant girls, after the first century began to infect even the educated, and were ultimately embodied as a principal element in late antique philosophy. . . . In the end [the fourth century A.D.] . . . . [t]here was little “Roman” left in the Roman empire. Rather, the “un-Roman” elements had come to the fore, and now controlled the world in which they lived.10
As Rome grew weak, its enemies saw an opportunity to overrun the West. In 452, Attila the Hun and his Asiatic hordes proceeded Westward as far as Chalôns in central Gaul. Fortunately, the Roman general Aetius and the Visigothic leader Theodoric put aside their historic rivalry and united to face Atilla. Unfortunately, then as well as today, there were those of the West who allied themselves with the enemy. At the battle of Chalôns it was the Ostrogoths. Nevertheless, the combined Roman and Visigothic forces succeeded in repelling the Huns.11
In the beginning of the eighth century the integrity of the West was once again threatened. The Moors, led by Abd-er-Rahman had crossed the Pyrenees and fought their way north toward the city of Tours. But on October 10, 732 at the Battle of Tours their fortune changed. According to the medieval Chronicle of St. Denis:
The Muslims planned to go to Tours to destroy the Church of St. Martin, the city, and the whole country. Then came against them the glorious Prince Charles, at the head of his whole force. . . . [H]e fought as fiercely as the hungry wolf falls upon the stag. By the grace of Our Lord, he wrought a great slaughter upon the enemies of the Christian faith, so that-as history bears witness-he slew in that battle 300,000 men, including their king by the name Abd-er-Rahman. Then was [Charles] first called “Martel,” for as a hammer of iron, of steel, and of every other metal, . . . he dashed and smote in the battle all of his enemies. And what was the greatest marvel of all, he lost in that battle only 1500 men.12
Early Christianity had found fertile ground for its message of individual salvation among the alienated, heterogeneous, urban inhabitants of the declining Roman Empire. Later, in the Early Middle Ages when Christian missionaries sought to convert the Germanic and Celtic peoples, it became apparent that for Christianity to be accepted by a more cohesive, homogeneous, pastoral-warrior society, it needed to appeal to the different concerns of that society. Hence, Early Medieval Christianity appealed to matters of group survival such as victory in battle, healthy families, and abundant crops and livestock. Germanic Christianity addressed these pre-Christian folk-religious concerns through local patron saints and clergy and their holy relics. In an apparent attempt to convert the Saxons who had been persecuted by Charlemagne, an adaptation of the New Testament known as the Heliand was composed in Old Saxon. It portrayed Christ and his apostles as a Germanic warrior-band. Eventually a Middle Eastern salvation religion was transformed into a European folk religion and Christianity became more closely identified with Europe, especially with the emergence of the notion of “Christendom.”
Early Medieval Christianity provided a spiritual impetus and a source of solidarity that are likely to have contributed toward European victories over invading forces. The bond between religious and temporal spheres increased under Charles Martel’s Carolingian descendants. They tended to view Christianity as the religion of a Roman Empire which they admired and sought to reconstruct. The application of religious fervor toward Western military exploits is perhaps nowhere better illustrated than in a twelfth-century treatise of St. Bernard of Clairveaux entitled, In Praise of the New Knighthood. Written as an exhortation to the Knights Templar and other Crusaders, it distinguishes between fighting for “empty glory” or “earthly possessions” and fighting to assert Euro-Christian dominance in the Holy Land where Euro-Christian pilgrims and shrines had been attacked.
Recalling the existing medieval nexus between European self-identity and Christendom the following words of St. Bernard may be interpreted as a religious rationalization, if not an encouragement to assertively defend Western interests. Bernard writes:
The knights of Christ may safely fight the battles of their Lord, fearing neither sin if they smite the enemy, nor danger at their own death; since to inflict death or to die for Christ is no sin, but rather, an abundant claim to glory. . . . The knight of Christ, I say, may strike with confidence and die yet more confidently, for he serves Christ when he strikes, and serves himself when he falls.13
The religious themes of medieval art and literature appear to have been complemented by the subliminal appeal of the racial features of the subjects portrayed. Persons of European descent, regardless of their religious orientation, are likely to find representations of religious figures appealing. The many excellent Madonnas painted during this period may also indicate a racially healthy celebration of fertility.
The Renaissance artists and sculptors, including Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo and Raphael, resurrected the Classical ideal of the human form and created works of incomparable beauty. The subject matter of art and sculpture began to once again include the Classical deities, royalty, and other members of the secular elite. In the Romantic period, positive portrayals of the common folk, as well as idealized and legendary depictions of the heritages of the European nations became popular in art and literature. The literature of this period likewise drew upon the West’s Classical heritage as well as European legends and history, as is evidenced by William Shakespeare’s choice of subjects for his plays exemplified by Julius Caesar, Hamlet, and Henry IV.
During the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries, southeastern Europe became the target of Muslim aggression. Turks and Tartars plundered the countryside, taking captives and holding them for ransom, or worse, selling them as slaves. In 1682, Poland and Austria formed an alliance against a possible large-scale Turkish invasion. In March of 1683, a Turkish army of over 140,000 soldiers started marching northward and laid siege to Vienna. As the Turks were about to break through the walls of Vienna, the Polish warrior-king, Jan Sobieski arrived with 30,000 troops. On September 12, 1683 the Battle of Vienna ensued, and according to the following contemporary account:
The battle . . . lasted fourteen or fifteen hours; the slaughter was horrible, and the loss of the Turks inestimable, for they left upon the field of battle, besides the dead and prisoners, all their cannon, equipment, tents and infinite riches that they had been six years gathering together throughout the whole Ottoman Empire. The battle ended by the infantry in the trenches, and on the Isle of the Danube, where the Turks had an artillery battery. The night was spent in slaughter, and the unhappy remnant of the Turkish army saved their lives by flight, having abandoned all to the victors. 14
The Age of Exploration actually began with the heroic expeditions of our Viking ancestors to Iceland, Greenland and North America, or Vinland, as they referred to it. The Vikings also contributed to the development of trade routes throughout Europe and to the creation of Russia. The accomplishments of Christopher Columbus have recently come under criticism by contemporary opponents of the West. In 1992, American Indian groups protested a parade in Denver to commemorate the 500th anniversary of his discovery of America, which was promptly canceled as a result. Public recognition of the contribution of Columbus’ sponsor, Queen Isabella of Spain, has fared even worse. She was denied even the minimal recognition of a stamp being issued in her honor, apparently due to her expulsion of the Jews from Spain and Portugal in 1492, the same year not only of Columbus’ discovery, but also of the Spanish victory over the Moors in Grenada and the subsequent Euro-Christian re-conquest of the entire Iberian Peninsula.
More recent exploratory contributions of the West include the Lewis and Clark Expedition and the exploration of the polar regions by Roald Amundsen, Richard Byrd, Robert Peary and Sir Edward Shackleton. Just before Shackleton’s ship, the Endurance reached Antarctica in 1915, it became trapped in ice-flows and was eventually destroyed by icebergs. Shackleton and a few off his men began a search for help. After an 850-mile journey in a 20-foot craft through some of the worst weather and seas on record, Shackleton reached a small outpost of civilization from where he called for help. He then returned to the men he had stranded. Remarkably, throughout the entire ordeal, not a single man died.
Copernicus, Galileo, Newton and Kepler developed the mathematical and astronomical foundations of space exploration, which in this century was accelerated by the work of Robert Goddard, Werner von Braun and Arthur Rudolph. Rudolph’s service to the United States space program was rewarded by essentially being hounded out of the country after the government, at the behest of a shrill minority of ingrates, threatened to revoke his pension.
The most sublime contribution of the West has been its music. The works of Handel, Bach, Mozart, Haydn, Beethoven and Brahms are revered the world over. Special respect is due to those composers who incorporated a national consciousness into their compositions, including Richard Wagner, Franz Liszt, Edvard Grieg, Antonin Dvorak, Sergei Rachmaninoff, Jan Sibelius, Giuseppe Verdi and John Philip Sousa. From Rienzi and the Ring cycle, to Parsifal, Wagner captured the Western ethos and developed what he termed Gesamtkunstwerke or “total art productions” in which he not only composed the music, but also wrote the lyrics, designed the stage sets and costumes, and eventually built his own opera house. One of the greatest tragedies of our time is the deliberate alienation of our youth from their classical musical heritage.
In the field of medicine, from Hippocrates to Galen and from William Harvey to Louis Pasteur, Marie Curie and Alexander Fleming, who discovered the powerful antibiotic effect of penicillin, and Christian Barnard, who performed the first heart transplant, Western medicine has distinguished itself without parallel. One of the effects of the accomplishments of Western medicine had been a global increase in longevity and consequent population increase in so-called “under-developed nations” at the same time that the population of European nations is contracting. Similarly, the Western advances in transportation to which Henry Ford, the Wright Brothers, and Charles Lindbergh contributed, have inadvertently, all but obliterated the West’s geographic isolation. As a result we must develop a heightened awareness of alternate social isolating mechanisms, such as physical appearance, if we wish to enhance our prospects for survival.
The authors of the great epic literature of the West, from Homer and Virgil to the authors of Beowulf, the Norse sagas, the Song of Roland and the Nibelungenlied have provided our People with inspiration for future noble deeds. A modern epic that is now being re-enacted in Australia’s recent confrontation with a boatload of refugees, is Jean Raspail’s Camp of the Saints, which should be required reading for all persons of European descent who labor under the pseudo-morality of self-destruction. Friedrich Nietzsche also provides a critique of misdirected altruism which he describes as the “morality of decadence.” In his Twilight of the Idols, Nietzsche wrote that:
[A] morality in which self-interest wilts away-remains a bad sign under all circumstances. This is true of individuals; it is particularly true of nations. The best is lacking when self-interest begins to be lacking. Instinctively to choose what is harmful for oneself, to feel attracted by “disinterested” motives, that is virtually the formula of decadence.
No discussion of morality, religion and science would be complete without acknowledging Raymond Cattell’s important works, A New Morality from Science: Beyondism (Pergamon, 1972), and Beyondism: Religion from Science (Praeger, 1987) Cattell’s accomplishments in personality assessment, psychometric testing, and other fields resulted in his being nominated for a life-time achievement award by the American Psychological Foundation. However, two interlopers’ protestations which were graciously amplified by a New York Times report, succeeded in postponing the award until an investigation could be made into Cattell’s personal beliefs on race. In the meantime, Cattell withdrew his name from consideration for the award and died.15
Most advances in communication from Gutenberg’s printing press to the telegraph and television were Western contributions. From Samuel Morse, Nikola Tesla and Guglielmo Marconi to Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell and Philo Farnsworth came great inventions with the potential to enlighten and fortify our People. Yet this potential was never realized. Instead these inventions were hijacked by Mayer, Thalberg, Warner, and Cohn et al who sought to utilize our media for their financial gain, or worse, to manipulate our opinions and behavior.
Philo Farnsworth was a fourteen year-old Mormon farm boy in Idaho when he first conceived the design of the television. He later not only invented the cathode-ray tubes used for the first television, but also the first simple electron microscope. During the 1960s he worked on a nuclear fusion process to produce clean energy. At the time of his death in 1971 he held more than 300 U.S. and foreign patents, but to this day Farnsworth’s contributions are virtually unknown.
When Radio Corporation of America’s president, David Sarnoff, learned of Farnsworth’s independent progress, he sent a spy to observe Farnsworth’s research so that RCA could register patents for the new invention before Farnsworth. Even though after a protracted legal battle, Farnsworth won the patent rights, television production was halted during the war years, and by the war’s end the patents began to expire. Depressed, Farnsworth retired to Maine where he began to drink heavily, suffered a nervous breakdown and received shock therapy. Finally, his home burned to the ground. Meanwhile Sarnoff basked in glory, promoting himself and the spy he had sent to steal Farnsworth’s research, as the “father of television.”
Before his death in 1971, Farnsworth noted with dismay the direction which television had taken. His son Kent recalls that his father “felt he had created kind of a monster, a way for people to waste a lot of their lives.” The elder Farnsworth’s advice to his son regarding television was: “There’s nothing on it worthwhile, and we’re not going to watch it in this household, and I don’t want it in your intellectual diet.”16
Two other virtually unknown Western inventors whose contributions have shaped the modern world were Jack Kilby and Robert Noyce who developed the microchip. They found a way to mass-produce entire networks of miniature electronic components on a single crystal or “chip.” Kilby used chips made of germanium and while Noyce used chips made of silicon, hence the name for that area of California farmland that has become known as “Silicon Valley.” Kilby, a former associate of William Shockley, founded Fairchild Semiconductor Corporation in 1957, while Noyce founded INTEL in 1968. Robert Noyce died in 1990, while Jack Kilby was finally awarded the Nobel Prize in Physics last year for “basic work on information and communication technology.”
Ten years ago, a new communications medium was introduced in the West. From 1991 to 1995 the number of World Wide Web users jumped from 600,000 to 40 million. Today it stands at over 500 million. The man responsible for creating the World Wide Web from the pre-existing less user-friendly basic Internet structure was Tim Berners-Lee. He created the Hyper-Text Mark-up Language, which is used to post text and graphics to a website, and the protocol language used to communicate between users and websites, as well as a web-browser prototype. Unlike so many others who hopped on the dot-com bandwagon to make a quick fortune, Berners-Lee has been content to work quietly behind the scenes from M.I.T. directing a non-profit consortium that seeks to maintain Internet software compatibility and hence ensure open access to the World Wide Web. Let us be ever vigilant against those who seek to restrict freedom of expression via this new and vital medium.
During the first half of the twentieth century, some Western poets exhibited a concern for the preservation of our cultural and genetic heritage. Ezra Pound was tortured by U.S. troops for his radio broadcasts advocating peace during the West’s fratricidal Second World War. Pound was a mentor of T. S. Eliot, and helped Eliot edit The Wasteland, a critique of Western decadence. Eliot described some conditions for an optimal society:
The population should be homogeneous. . . . What is still more important is unity of religious background; and reasons of race and culture combine to make any large number of free-thinking Jews undesirable. There must be a proper balance between urban and rural, industrial and agricultural development. And a spirit of excessive tolerance is to be deprecated.17
A major contribution of the West has been its concern for the protection of the global environment. In 1847, George Marsh, a Vermont Congressman became the first public advocate of environmental conservation when he called attention to the destructive impact of deforestation and proposed a land management plan. In 1864, Marsh published an influential analysis of conservation issues entitled Man and Nature. The naturalist writings of Henry David Thoreau also contributed toward the public awareness of conservation issues in America. Rachel Carson initiated the modern environmental movement with the publication of Silent Spring in 1964. She astutely observed that “Man is a part of nature, and his war against nature is inevitably a war against himself.”18
Garrett Hardin has applied environmental ideals to the problem of human over-population in his 1993 book Living Within Limits. Even more perceptive is his 1999 book entitled The Ostrich Factor: Our Population Myopia. The recent works of the “father of sociobiology,” E. O. Wilson, on Biodiversity and Consilience are also important in this regard. In Concilience, Wilson warns us:
Homo sapiens, the first truly free species, is about to decommission natural selection, the force that made us. . . . Soon we must look deep within ourselves and decide what we wish to become.19
Perhaps the greatest contributions of the West to world history have been Charles Darwin’s theory of evolution and Gregor Mendel’s discovery of the fundamental laws of genetics as well as their eugenic application. Francis Galton, Darwin’s cousin made such important eugenic observations in his founding work, Hereditary Genius, that Darwin himself included references to them in his Descent of Man. The pioneers of the eugenics movement included Harvard geneticist Charles Davenport, who founded the Carnegie Institute’s genetics and evolution laboratories at Cold Spring Harbor on Long Island. Davenport convinced the widow of railroad magnate Edward Henry Harriman to endow a Eugenics Record Office at Cold Spring Harbor. Harry Laughlin was the Superintendent of the Eugenics Record Office at the Carnegie Institute from its inception in 1910 until 1921 and its Director from 1921 until 1940.
One of the earliest American adherents of eugenics was Henry Fairfield Osborn, the president from 1908 to 1933 of the American Museum of Natural History and a respected paleontologist and geologist who taught at both Princeton and Columbia Universities. He is credited with significantly expanding the staffing and funding of the scientific department at the Museum. In 1921, Osborn hosted the Second International Congress of Eugenics at the Museum. By that time, eugenics had become a worldwide phenomenon and the exhibition reflected that, with exhibits from 22 states and the District of Columbia and 16 foreign countries, including Australia, China, Cuba, India, Norway, and Peru. The Conference was attended by future President Herbert Hoover and Charles Darwin’s son, Leonard, who was the Chairman of the International Eugenics Commission. In 1932, the Third International Eugenics Congress was also held in New York at the American Museum of Natural History. Mrs. Harriman was among the sponsors, as was Mrs. DuPont and Dr. John Harvey Kellogg, the homeopathic physician and cereal company executive, who also founded the Race Betterment Foundation.
In 1953, James Watson and Francis Crick discovered the structure of DNA. Commenting on the Human Genome Program, Watson has stated: “We used to think our fate was in the stars. Now we know, in large measure, our fate is in our genes.”20 William Shockley not only received the Nobel Prize for his contribution to the development of the transistor, but also led a one-man crusade against dysgenic American policies. Despite threats on his life, Arthur Jensen persevered in studying the relationship between IQ and race. In Canada, neither state-sponsored censorship nor private harassment has deterred J. Philippe Rushton’s inquiries into Race, Evolution and Behavior. The importance of applying eugenic measures in the West becomes evident from Richard Lynn’s recent work on Dysgenics and his just-released seminal work Eugenics: A Reassessment.
Sociobiology has been applied to religion by Walter Burkert in his interdisciplinary study entitled Creation of the Sacred: Tracks of Biology in Early Religion (Harvard, 1996). In an earlier work, Burkert wrote “Religious ritual is advantageous in the process of selection, if not for the individual, then at least for the continuance of group identity.”21 Burkert’s view is echoed in the following paragraph from the Seattle Times summary of the paper, “The Neural Basis of Religious Experience” by V. S. Ramachandran, et al, at the University of California, San Diego:
“It is not clear why such dedicated neural machinery . . . for religion may have evolved,” the team reported yesterday at a meeting of the Society for Neuroscience in New Orleans. One possibility, the scientists said, was to encourage tribe loyalty or reinforce kinship ties or the stability of a closely knit clan.22
While Judaism has functioned to sustain the Jewish People, contemporary Western Christianity has, on the contrary, deliberately dissociated itself from its European ethnocultural heritage, and has focused on “universal social justice.” There is now afoot a conscious effort to de-Europeanize and to re-Judaize Christianity, through scriptural revision, internal treachery and external pressure. One possible strategy to counter these efforts is to encourage a re-Europeanization of Christianity into a European folk religion. Such a strategy might be bolstered by the argument that Euro-Christians should only accept the folk-affirming form of Christianity accepted by our ancestors and not accept the specious “bait and switch” arguments of liberal Christians who try to indoctrinate us with universalist propaganda. Thought-provoking discussions of past, present, and future religious and ethnocultural encounters may be found in Samuel Huntington’s timely Clash of Civilizations and the Remaking of World Order (Simon & Schuster, 1996), and Matthew Connelly and Paul Kennedy’s December 1994 Atlantic Monthly article “Must it be the Rest Against the West?” The study of the rise and fall of civilizations has captivated many Western minds, from the racial speculations of Arthur de Gobineau, Houston Stewart Chamberlain, and Madison Grant to the organic model of Oswald Spengler and the challenge-response model of Arnold Toynbee. More recent works on this perplexing subject have been written by Francis Parker Yockey, Carroll Quigley, Lawrence Brown, James Burnham, William Gayley Simpson, and Elmer Pendell, who, in his excellent inquiry into Why Civilizations Self-Destruct observed that:
In our own civilization we see a lessening of the struggle for survival. Welfare does away with natural selection. Nothing in our present environment can serve as an adequate substitute for the harsh means evolution adopted to prevent the weaker elements of civilizations from playing a major part in the formation of subsequent generations. Compassion, unfortunately, is the enemy of biological progress.23
Pendell therefore proposed a marriage law that would limit the number of children permitted in a family based upon the intelligence of the parents.
Due to the relaxation of selective pressures as a civilization matures, in most instances the genetic quality of the founders of a civilization is greater than the quality of those who inhabit it during its decline. One may be led to wonder that since the net result of a few hundred years of civilization, without some form of eugenic mechanism, is usually the undoing of millennia of genetic evolution, whether it might be better for a formal civilization never to emerge, hence preserving and perhaps increasing the genetic quality of a more rural, more independent population, within which selective pressures could operate more freely.
In addition to his work on I.Q., Rushton’s Genetic Similarity Theory provides a biological basis for understanding the enduring preference of genetically similar individuals for each other. It also provides insights for resolving many of the ethnic conflicts which exist in the world today.24 Kevin MacDonald’s work on religion, and particularly Judaism, as a group evolutionary strategy, is essential for a thorough understanding of our current predicament.25
While liberals and universalists constantly yammer about “bringing us all together”, and how “diversity is our strength,” it may be suggested that the biological function of human language and culture is just the opposite, that is, to keep discrete groups apart. In my own view, culture in humans is analogous to instinct in other species. Species with more complex brains tend to rely less on instinct and more on learned behavior, which in humans, includes culture. For culture in human societies to accomplish that which instinct accomplishes in non-human societies, it must establish a sense of group identity so that the individual knows whom to act altruistically toward and whom to mate with. In short, among humans, culture functions sociobiologically as an isolating mechanism.
The organized anti-Western media of today seem to scour the gutters of the ghetto for the most vile filth imaginable and then serve it up to our children as “their culture.” Perhaps Konrad Lorenz’s animal behavior research might provide us with some clues as to how MTV has succeeded in contriving the acceptance, if not preference of white adolescents for “rap music” and its attendant so-called “hip-hop culture” of fashion and language. Lorenz gained some popularity for his theories of imprinting when he acted as a substitute for a mother goose soon after her eggs had hatched. Since goslings imprint upon the first moving object they see after they are born as if it were their mother, the little goslings began following Lorenz.
The time during which imprinting occurs is called the “critical period” or “sensitive period.”26 This initial form of imprinting shortly after birth is known as “filial imprinting.” Among humans, it is believed that there is a period of linguistic imprinting during which a baby imprints upon a particular language. There is another form of imprinting that is believed to take place during sexual maturation. This “sexual imprinting” is a process by which animals identify what traits suitable mates should possess.27 Females are usually more deeply influenced by sexual imprinting. Animals tend to imprint upon the traits of their parents and siblings, since they have the most social contact with them.
It has been demonstrated that finches raised by foster parents of a different species of finch will later exhibit a lifelong sexual attraction toward the alien species. One wonders how a child’s sexual imprinting mechanism is affected by forcible racial integration and near continual exposure to media stimuli promoting interracial contact.
The most serious implication of human sexual imprinting for our genetic future is that it would establish the destructiveness of school integration, especially in the middle and high-school years. One can only wonder to what degree the advocates of school integration, such as former NAACP attorney Jack Greenberg, were conscious of this scientific concept. It also compounds the culpability of media moguls who deliberately popularize miscegenation in films directed toward adolescents and pre-adolescents. In the midst of this onslaught against our youth, parents need to be reminded that they have a natural obligation, as essential as providing food and shelter, to instill in their children an acceptance of appropriate ethnic boundaries for socialization and for marriage.
The sociobiological warfare that our youth is subjected to is likely to be even more diabolical since it appears to deliberately exploit a biological theory of sexual imprinting at the critical period of sexual maturity. Movies like this past year’s spate of miscegenationist titles, Save the Last Dance, Crazy / Beautiful and O, a parody of Othello, appear deliberately designed to exploit the critical period of sexual imprinting in their target audiences of white pre-adolescent girls and adolescent young women.
The current of misdirected altruism that permeates contemporary Western society is dangerous when it is divorced from biological reality. It would be better to ignorantly adhere to the laws of human evolution, as do most primitive peoples, than to understand these laws and yet deliberately disobey them. It would be most tragic if the people who discovered the theory of evolution were to perish due to a failure of will to apply it to their own destiny.
It is our duty to maintain and advance the Western continuum that originated in ancient Greece and earlier. To falter at this critical juncture is to allow our people to approach extinction. The greatest achievement of the West will be our extrication from our current dilemma. If we succeed in our efforts, the chroniclers of this age will celebrate our valiant struggle in the epic literature of the future – if we fail, there will be no such literature and our beleaguered descendants will mock us in our graves.
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James C. Russell, Ph.D., is the author of The Germanization of Early Medieval Christianity: A Sociohistorical Approach to Religious Transformation Oxford University Press, 1994)
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Endnotes
1. Rex Warner ii. trans. Thucydides: the Peloponnesian War 4, (London: Bodley Head, 1954), p. 116.
2. Robert S. Lopez, The Birth of Europe (New York: M. Evans and Co., 1967), pp. 120-21.
3. Revilo P. Oliver, America’s Decline: The Education of a Conservative (London: Londinium Press, 1987), pp. 216-17.
4. Greek Philosophy: Thales to Aristotle Reginald E. Allen, ed. & intro. (New York: Free Press, 1967), p. 1.
5. Ibid., p. 2.
6. Detailed photographs of this marvelous work are available at:
[link to www.phil.uni-erlangen.de]
7. W. W. Tarn, Alexander the Great (1948; reprint, Boston: Beacon Press, 1956), p. 147.
8. Steve Jones, et al, Cambridge Encyclopedia of Human Evolution (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press)
9. Ibid.
10. Ramsay MacMulllen, Enemies of the Roman Order (New Haven, Conn.: Yale University Press, 1981), pp. viii-ix.
11. The Gothic historian Jordanes describes the battle in Chapter 38 of his History of the Goths, which is translated in William Stearns Davis, ed., Readings in Ancient History: Illustrative Extracts from the Sources, 2 Vols. (Boston: Allyn and Bacon, 1912-13), Vol. II: Rome and the West, pp. 322-25.
12. William Stearns Davis, ed., Readings in Ancient History: Illustrative Extracts from the Sources, 2 vols. (Boston: Allyn and Bacon, 1912-13), vol. II: Rome and the West, pp. 362-364.
13. Bernard of Clairveaux, Liber ad milites Templi: De laude novae militae, trans. Conrad Greenia in The Works of Bernard of Clairvaux, Vol. 7, Cistercian Fathers Series: 19, (Cistercian Publications, Kalamazoo, Mich., 1977).
14 The Secret History of the Reign of John Sobieski, The III of that Name, King of Poland, containing a particular account of the siege of Vienna. . . . trans. François-Paulin Dalairac (London: Rhodes, Bennet, Bell, Leigh & Midwinter, 1700), pp. 355-364.
15.An excellent detailed account of this outrage may be found in Glayde Whitney, “Raymond B. Cattell and The Fourth Inquisition” Mankind Quarterly , vol. 38, no. 1 & 2, Fall/Winter 1997, pp. 99-124.
16. Neil Postman, “Philo Farnsworth” in Time: 100 Scientists
[link to www.time.com]
17. T. S. Eliot, After Strange Gods: A Primer in Modern Heresy (London: Faber, 1934), p. 20.
18. Rachel Carson, in a CBS television interview in 1963:
[link to www.sover.net]
19.E. O. Wilson, Consilience: The Unity of Knowledge (New York: Knopf, 1998), p. ?.
20.James D. Watson, quoted by Leon Jaroff in Time 20 March 1989.
21. Walter Burkert, Homo Necans: The Anthropology of Ancient Greek Sacrificial Ritual and Myth (Berkeley: University of California Press, 1983).
22. Seattle Times, Oct. 29, 1997.
23. Elmer Pendell, Why Civilizations Self-Destruct (Cape Canaveral, Florida: Howard Allen), p. 126.
24. J. Philippe Rushton, “Genetic Similarity Theory and the Roots of Ethnic Conflict” Journal of Social, Political and Economic Studies 23:4 (Winter 1998): 477-86.
25. Kevin MacDonald, A People that Shall Dwell Alone: Judaism as a Group Evolutionary Strategy (Westport, CT: Praeger, 1994); Separation and Its Discontents: Toward an Evolutionary Theory of Anti-Semitism (1998); The Culture of Critique: An Evolutionary Analysis of Jewish Involvement in Twentieth-Century Intellectual and Political Movements (1998).
26. John Archer, Ethology and Human Development (Hemel Hempstead, UK: Harvester Wheatsheaf, 1992).
27.Todd, P.M., and Miller, G.F. “Parental guidance suggested: How parental imprinting evolves through sexual selection as an adaptive learning mechanism” Adaptive Behavior,2(1), 5-47. See also David T Lykken and Auke Tellegen, “Is Human Mating Adventitious or the Result of Lawful Choice? A Twin Study of Mate Selection” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 1993: vol. 65. no. I, 56-68