Don't know the original source, but the forward and the postscript are by friend Dan:
At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in>possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez said he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. The FBI is charging him with carrying weapons of math instruction.
Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Gonzalez said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'there are 3 sides to every triangle'."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes".
You know what's funny about this? Al-gebra really is an A-rab conspiracy! From Wikipedia:820: The word algebra is derived from operations described in the treatise first written by Persian mathematician Al-Khwarizmi titled: Al-Jabr wa-al-Muqabilah meaning The book of summary concerning calculating by transposition and reduction. The word al-jabr means "reunion". Al-Khwarizmi is often considered as the "father of modern algebra", much of whose works on reduction was included in the book and added to many methods we have in algebra now.
So it's high time we activate the so-called "Patriot" Act and disappear all the al-gebra teachers into domestic Gitmos and Baghrams! Let's see how long these wimpy math teachers endure "abuse."