PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
Republicans Anonymous is a fellowship of Republican and Ex-Republican men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem of political irrelevancy and ideological bankruptcy. The only requirement for membership is that you have contributed to the destruction of the US economy, our infrastructure, our judical system, and to the US reputation around the world. There are no dues or fees for RA membership; we are supported by contributions from our numerous Fortune 500 donors. RA is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution (wink wink); does not wish to engage in any controversy (wink wink wink), neither endorses nor opposes any causes (HA! ooops...). Our primary purpose is to get back to our rightful position as upholders of family values and plunderers of the Treasury and the US Constitution as soon as humanly possible.
The following are our 12 steps of recovery:
THE TWELVE STEPS OF REPUBLICANS ANONYMOUS
1. We admitted we were powerless over the decisions we had made the past eight yearsbut that our pollster has now told us it is probably impossible to get re-elected as a Republican - like, maybe for the next several decades at least.
2. Came to believe that no Power could ever restore the Glenn Beck to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of Michael Steele, but, god, this is depressing...
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of everyone else except ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of everyone else’s wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove the 2006 and 2008 election results from our consciousness.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove Rush Limbaugh from the airwaves.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and asked them to apologize to us, or else we would waterboard them.
9. Made direct amends to our biggest Wall Street donors whenever possible, and reminded them we are up for reelection in 2010.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly blamed it on the Jews and George Soros.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with Ronald Reagan, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and his 1986 poll numbers.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message through fair and balanced news outlets such as Fox News and other media outlets owned by Rupert Murdoch.